i have a guy friend who’s a total wanger.
Well he’s not always one. But most of the time, especially to me, he is.
At first I tolerated his behavior. I reasoned for him, eventhough my conscience told me to “get out! out!” of my comradeship with him. I’ve always thought he’s a bit of a nerd who’s incapable of performing socially acceptable conduct. So even though he’s totally toxic, I tolerated most of his anti-social behavior. Getting angry for not having his way in group discussions? Ah sheesh that must be his socially inept side playing out. Laughing at other people’s misery right in front of their face with super annoying loud laugh? Huh, must be his childishness. I always thought “well he’s a bit rough around the edges, but time will straight him up.”
There are, of course, good things about him. How else do I stand around being his friend all this time? He’s smart. Academically, although not street-smart. He has a wide range of interest which subsequently leads to a wide range of knowledge, so he’s fun to talk to. Although later he confessed they were never really his interests; he just got into them because his friends were, and he doesn’t want to miss out so he “dig” them too… geez how un-original..
But his good things eventually didn’t help him out for me. I grew tired of his socially inept ways. In the end, I gave up. That’s it. He offended me, his behaviours are totally unacceptable anymore.
That’s when I realised, all this time, I tolerated him too much. But WHY? Why do I accept his childish, antisocial behaviour? When I remember perfectly how I have rejected and shunned many others who acted his way?
Well, today, just now, I finally have my answer. It’s because he’s a guy.
My other friends, who I have rejected and mocked for being so embarrassingly childish while looking so sophisticated and mature on the outside, were all girls! None of them was a guy.
So is that why? Do I subconsciously have an understanding in my mind that GUYS ARE CHILDISH, therefore ACCEPT THEM WHEN THEY ACT SO ? While girls are not supposed to be childish, therefore when they are, shunned and jeered at them?
I think so.
I think that’s what I have always had in mind all along. That’s why I tolerated my obnoxious guy friend for almost 2 years, while the same girl friend only lasted a couple months before I made her change (well I’d like to think I contributed to her changed ways..)
Why do I have this subconsciousness?
The culprits are:
1. TV media, Hollywood movies, anything that shapes culture
2. My little brother, and the way my family tolerated him
The second one is probably it.
Oh my GOODNESSGRACIOUS.
Well, I guess I better read some Freud before I make romantic relationship mistakes due to my subconscious mind..
