it is what you “earn” that matters.. at our age we may not know all the “answers”, but at least we’ve got the right question”

hey,

I guess life is just full of undiscovered things for me!

So.. I just realized.. All this time I was thinking “why take commerce?”

There’s nothing very …um… *can’t find the word*… humanitarian, noble, green peace, peace corp, kinda thing..

Anw, yeah, I have always thought “why do I take commerce?”

I’m not helping anyone, I’m not producing anything for the greater good of the humanity. There’s really no direct tangible result when you talk about commerce.

Like if you talk about doing Architecture or Design, then you know at least there will be some piece of art produced. A table or maybe a pretty dress, or some advertisement in a billboard or something.

But people are still doing commerce, and no one is making it a big fuss like I do.. So I thought, hmm, maybe as a person I need to “get” the meaning of what I’m creating to be satisfied with life.

Anw.. that was random, ciao for now!

1. That this song is such a beautiful song and really touches my heart

Glasgow Love Theme (Love Actually OST)

2. That I would like Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely” playing on my wedding day as I walk down the isle…

3. that I need someone who understands my heart, and know how to handle its insecurities and intricacies (and I’ve found him).

4. that this quiz result on facebook is so true!

The Cusp of Sensitivity - Aquarius/Pisces Cusp February 16-22

You are a success orientated person who gives top priority to your career. You are a fighter and have a tough aggressive exterior but inside you are sensitive. You struggle to be open, honest and accepting with your partners and do not like to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You want to be liked and are afraid to get hurt. Close friendships are important to you and help you ease the feeling of being isolated and misunderstood. You need time to be alone and regenerate. Expressing your care, concern and sympathy is necessary to you as are love and passion. Strengths: Success Orientated – Concerned – Caring Weaknesses: Insecure – Pessimistic – Isolated .

the one below is not mine, but still! so true!

The Week of Dancers and Dreamers - Pisces 3 March 11-18

You are strongly philosophical and often spend time contemplating the intricacies of human though and the wonders of the universe. You are visionary in thought, but have a intensely practical side and often well developed technical or scientific skills. You enjoy helping other solve their problems and take an active hand in everything that is going on around you. Some people view you as meddling, mistrusting and resent your good intentions. You have the power to make the impossible possible, unbelievable believable. You could have a touch of clairvoyance or telepathy. You can be viewed as strange and peculiar, but you have an air of self importance. To an unusual degree your life is ruled by fate. You love comfort and know how to make your surroundings comfortable for yourself and others. You seem to be independent but have a tendency to foster dependencies in others. You have a need to be needed. You are a good listener, empathetic but are unstable and unrealistic in your romantic relationships and often get involved with the wrong person. Strengths: Philosophical – Helpful – Miracle Working Weaknesses: Ineffectual – Impermanent – Dependency Fostering

5. that this might be true…

When your significant others are being controlling and possessive, don’t think it’s because they love you a lot. It’s because they love themselves too much to even consider your needs and feelings

6. that I still have a lot to learn about the world

It’s been too long since I first realized my days of uni and student life is coming to an end.

I know in exactly 2.25 months I will no longer be living in a CBD apartment with Kania (no more late night chats, snacks, and dvd marathon!). My days will not consist of going to uni back and forth, and trying to keep up with class readings and tute works. They were all annoying when I had to go through them everyday, but now when I have to let go it felt like I actually love them more than I ever know
So I am sad that my life as I knew it is going to end..

It’s only natural right, because who likes change? It’s all so cozy and comfortable already. You’re used to the pattern and safety of having a patterned life — no deviations, nothing strange, life is going smoothly. all good in da hood baby.

But we all know nothing can last forever; it’s only inevitable that change comes.

What I actually need to do now is… instead of moping about my soon-will-be-gone past life, I should start looking for new future and a new life. I need to think about what I’m going to do next in my life. Get a job? Go back Indo? Stay in Aus? Apply PR? err.. Continue study? do CFA? be a Lazzy Bum and hang around the house all day? do nothing and just wait for PR, then apply for job or figure out other things to do? err…..

I don’t know yet.. and that depresses me. But whenever I am depressed, talking to a particular friend who always seem to be full of plans and know where she is heading is such a positive influence. She gives me hope that my life is not a hopeless, depressing one; but instead it is a fun cheerful zesty one like hers. It’s a life full of hopes and possibilities, and I just need to choose which path I wanna go. No need to wallow in sadness over my past life and how I could’ve done it better thus provide myself with a better future now..

..Yep I’ve always been haunted by the fact I will not be a student anymore and not having a job yet.. And I blame this at how I’ve been living my life for the past 2 years. Makes me want to go back all the way to the past and fix things up..

ah if only I can go back to re-do and re-experience everything.. Then I surely will make sure I enjoy myself and all things around me more, so Im not regretting it when I realized (like now) that they are all over, and the resulting future due to my actions is not as good.

Surely I can fix my grades that went downhill starting from 2nd year uni.. If I can turn back time I won’t procrastinate the way I did back then; I won’t underestimate and will study more.. So many things I wanna do if I can go back in time…

But no use of looking back and wishing so hard to turn back time. No use, not gonna happen, might as well use my energy for something else.

Must keep in mind what June said and how she deals with the changes in her life.. Must remind self that the future is bright, and there are still possibilities other than staying in Aus and getting a good job here, or continuing study as honors student..

..Must make sure the experience that I’ve had from the moment my grades started going downhill be a lesson for me.

Must remind self that it is a lesson and a chance in getting to know myself better — on the effectiveness and the efficiency of my working style, on the correct study technique that is most suitable for me, on the importance of persistence, diligence, a drive for success, motivation, and a vision/goal, on the importance of being myself and taking control of my own life! Not letting people decide what I do and how I do it, not being a pushover who let other people do my life the way it will benefit them! My life should benefit me in the end!

For now, I need to do my best for the rest of my exams so there’s no regrets later. Then I can start thinking what to do in my life, what is the next path to take after life as a student.. maybe I can do a postgrad degree? or I can go back Indo and work. Or maybe work somewhere else! Lots of possibilities, lots of opportunities; they are available and I only need to seek for them. My life is not over because I’m no longer a uni student and not have a job waiting at the finish line..!

Okay enough rambling for now, must start studying and bring myself up from the mess I’ve made. Can’t retrospectively correct, might as well fix the future starting now!

okay then cheerios for now~

(not the movie with Dustin Hoffman)

Hi my name is tracy and i’m 22 yrs old..

currently in my exams week, and once it is finished i.e. in 2 weeks time, assuming everything goes well, i’m graduating in August..

in the mean time, there are no job offers waiting, no grad schools plan.. basically no plan at all.

nowhere to go, no direction….

should i leave the country and go back to my nest? should i stay? but then what do i do?

dot dot dot……